Dad of Light

Dad of Light

This weekend we finally got around to watching Dad of Light.

Gonna Be Goofy

Honestly, I thought it was gonna be pretty goofy at first. I mean… bringing a game you love into mainstream media? I’ve always been on the side of experience that people see gamers as nerdy and hard to understand. Or even not worth the time because we’re so weird. And let’s face it, generally when there’s an adaptation of a game in TV or the movie theaters it tends to be a bit out there.

Dad of Light was definitely out there, but in such a fantastic way. It really touched on a lot of emotions and had me realizing–y’know… it’s been at least a month since I’ve spoken with my own Dad. Not that I don’t love him or anything, but he and I don’t really see eye to eye on a lot of things. Most of our conversations inevitably reach a point where he’s telling me his opinion on matters–shoving a knife he’s unaware of into my heart–and I’m just silently nodding because I don’t want to offend or worry him.

Silent Suffering

I remember when I was little, anything my Dad said was the truth. I looked up to him, respected him, and admired him. There’s no doubt that I still do–but it’s in another way now. I’ve grown up and found my own path and beliefs. I’ve learned things about myself–and thanks to recent political talks between us I’ve learned I am something he hates. If I told him, would he be ashamed of me? Reject me? Deny me? Would be blame himself for something that he views as wrong? Would he try to rescue me from the abyss of Hell that he says I’m doomed to?

Coming out to my Mom was hard–but easier. I’m sure she doesn’t understand, because let’s face it: cisgender folk don’t have to question this. If they do, it’s in passing rather than a recurring, drilling thought. But even though she may not understand, she’s still supportive and only wants the best for me. She’s worried about my safety given the state of the world right now, and it’s taken a lot of convincing her that I’ll do my best to ensure my safety and stability first and foremost.

Yet with my Dad? He was raised in fire and brimstone–and always tries to back up his views with archaic science. “There’s no gene for it!” Right, Dad. You don’t store your memories in your DNA. Your personality isn’t generated by it, either. Surely there’s got to be other methods behind a person rather than the sequencing of some proteins–binary code that determines some physical traits that develop.

Gaming with Parents

Early on I was never allowed to even play things like D&D because of the possibility that I might summon a demon. Final Fantasy, Legend of Zelda–things I adore now had magic circles and that risk of influence was too great. My parents were never big into games nor technology, so I suppose it’s easy to see that rather than try to understand it by going in, they kept out and admonished it. Well–my Mom didn’t quite as much. She went behind my Dad’s back after she saw me drawing maps for “a zelda game” and bought me Link’s Awakening DX.

It was okay for me to play Sonic the Hedgehog and some Jurassic Park game. Talking anthropomorphic hedgehogs and genetically spliced “revived” dinosaurs? Not a problem at all! Tom and Jerry’s regular “antics” that some might deem a bit too violent or physically abusive? Just a kids’ show! But good heavens we can’t have our child play as a sword-wielding hero sent out to fight for justice and save the world!

My parents now have definitely come a long way since then. Shoot, my Dad was the one who ended up getting me my first Final Fantasy game–IX. They didn’t understand my passion for FFXI at first, saying it was just another online game I’d quit within a month. But here I am almost fifteen years later, having met the love of my life because of it, and now we’re playing FFXIV together. When I think of inviting them to play XIV with me though… I’m just not sure.

Again, my parents aren’t big into games at all. My Mom plays Bejeweled and those sorts of puzzle games. My Dad plays brain teasers and first person shooters. But RPGs–especially MMOs? I don’t think they would see the point. A game you can’t pause? A game without an ending? What do you serve to gain from playing a game that has no Game Over? Clearly we know, but I don’t know if they’d be willing to search for that answer themselves. Knowing my Dad, he might find a way to blame this game for me being trans. Which… I guess he’s not completely wrong? It was here that I was able to experience the perspective that I learned is actually comfortable for me. Where I learned life isn’t just about “silently suffering”.

Still though, if I did ever go through with that and it turned out well… that’d definitely be a fantastic experience. I can’t say I’d dislike it at all.

Raiding Cats

Raid Mews

We have a lot of cats now! Okay–just two more. Alma and Ryan switched to Miqo’te to the surprise of the rest of us, and the frustration of our raid leader, Aud. This makes for five Miqo’te, one Hyur, one Au Ra, and one Elezen. Sounds like a typical raid diversity in FFXIV to me–but Aud is depressed over losing the only other Elezen around.

We saw quite a bit of progress in O3S last night! Nikki figured out how to handle directions for Mindjack, and as a group we saw deeper into the library phase than ever before. We were wiping during it–but apparently saw everything the fight had to offer too? I dunno–I tunnel vision really badly during raid times. This tends to get me into a fair bit of trouble! As for the other two, we’ve definitely got them handily on farm now. Or so I’d like to say–but we still step into some accidents when we’re not thinking clearly in O2S. Either way, I managed to secure slaying wrists and an oil this weekend which took my iLvl from 327 to 330. Finally getting somewhere gear-wise!

Happy adventuring!

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