As with any overly anxious introvert, I’ve got my fair share of fears with FanFest coming up. Most of which are only in my mind, and some are a bit more real.
By the time FanFest 2018 arrives, I’ll be roughly three months-ish on hormones. That’s a teensy drop in the bucket! More than likely I’ll still be presenting masculine. That probably works out a whole lot better for the TSA anyway. I guess unless I roll some kind of miraculous D20 on genetics. Just being in the big crowds I know there’ll be a lot of default he/him/sir/etc. as a result and… ah, well. I’ve had twenty nine years of it with a mix-in of she and her even while pre-HRT and in masculine presentation. It won’t be that big of a problem! Probably.
In fact, this one in particular will be countered pretty thoroughly. So many of you have said when we hang out that I’ll be addressed properly and I just 😭. The response to my telling y’all “they/them” is okay made my heart grow three sizes and faucets spout from my eyes. All y’all are so good to me. I hope I can be just as good for y’all someday! But anywho–I’m bringing trans topics over to my tiny Tumblr so feel free to check that out for more frequent thought bits.
Primarily, my fear is not being able to spend enough time with enough people. Secondarily, it’s that I won’t be kind of allowed to spend time with some people because of who else is around them. I’m not exactly very well-liked by certain crowds, and some of those circles tend to include people that I do like! It’s already something of an unfortunate nuisance in-game, so I can’t imagine how that’d play out offline. I hope if circumstances are really unavoidable that everyone’s able to be at least polite and civil with one another. Amicable would be best, but we’ll see!
Of course, then there’s the general anxiety-inducing crowd size. I have enough trouble going to the grocery store sometime given how many people just don’t respect any boundaries of personal space. I don’t want to imagine how the likely very crowded Rio will be. And while I can hopefully trust those reading this will remember proper hygiene, let’s face it–not everyone will! Ew ew ew ew.
Y’all might have heard something about the unofficial side party. I won’t go into details nor recommend what to do here. I’m not trying to stir any pots! Yet, with any big event with many people around, you should keep yourself wary. Be attentive, don’t drink too heavily. Don’t feel influenced to venture far outside of your comfort zone. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your gut.
In my case, I won’t be attending. There were all sorts of problematic vibes coming from the event. And being privy to the comments made before makes me even less keen on going. Whether they were made in jest or in a response, I’m never one for taking unmitigated risk. My instincts are telling me to stay away, and if I miss something awesome by listening to them then so be it. In any case, I’d likely be too tired from FanFest and other group activities to do anything but spend my spare time in bed. 😅 My social battery drains quickly!
Happy adventuring, and I hope to see y’all at FanFest this year!