I definitely didn’t expect any difficulties in acquiring my HRT prescriptions. But, here we are!
In all my time living here, I’ve never once had an issue with Walgreens. They’ve had just about everything, or were able to acquire anything. Within a reasonable time frame you had your medicine and would be on your way. So when I was asked where to send my scrips for HRT, I naturally went ahead with Walgreens. This went against Alma’s advice but this particular pharmacy had never let me down before!
When we went there, the pharmacist didn’t even budge from his laptop. At least, not until the technician was having legitimate difficulty in finding what little of the scrip they had available. And even then he did it in a sort of begrudging manner like, he couldn’t believe he was being bothered. Definitely not a good look to have when you’re supposed to be involved in patient health! The technician was trying her best to be as considerate and apologetic as possible. But… it came off in the wrong way most of the time.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “I have a lot of experience dealing with this sort of thing.” I’m sorry, do you mean that this pharmacy runs out of things to fill a lot? Or are you subtly calling me out knowing what medicines I want filled? Being supportive is awesome but maybe word it in a way that doesn’t seem so open to interpretation.
I gave Walgreens a few days to fill the scrip. “We’ll have it ready by Wednesday” they said. Well, along comes Thursday and they still don’t have anything. So I called up Planned Parenthood again and told them what was going on. When they asked where I should send the scrip this time, I noted the Walmart that Alma suggested, and provided them the contact information. Calling them up this morning and sure enough, they’ve got at least the spironolactone filled. The estradiol would have to wait until early next week, but I’ve got that covered on the right dose until then so that’s fine.
When we went to Walmart to pick up the spiro, both the pharmacist and I completely forgot about insurance. Thankfully Nikki nudged me about it, so we got to ring it up again and file my insurance on their system. Saved a good $97 that way, from $127 down to $30… which we then spent almost the entirety of on dinner with a friend of ours. The experience was nice, but I definitely like cheaper and more simple places to eat. And maybe tables that aren’t so close together that you sacrifice breathing or being able to get out to pee in.
Onto Day 5…
Tomorrow starts Day 5 of hormones for me. And honestly, there’s not a whole lot of feelings I’ve recorded that I can absolutely attribute to the hormones themselves. I’ve definitely noticed a drop in libido, which is both satisfying as it is also kind of weird. Weird in a good way, but unexpected–even if I knew of it, it’s weird to recognize in myself I guess. I never exactly had the burning rage to screw concrete, but now it just seems like the waves have calmed a bit.
Speaking of calming, I haven’t had a single bout of anxiety since starting. Driving? Chill. People behind me at a store? No threat. Calling multiple places in a row to handle adulting? Still charged for the day. It doesn’t exactly feel like a superpower or anything so much as I feel… calm. At peace.
Of course, on the total flip side of that, I’ve also been able to snap a little easier too–I got super bitchy the other night about cleaning up the kitchen floor. And when I recognized that, it went away as quickly as it came about. I didn’t have a ragey teenage experience, but I did see it in my friends growing up and this seemed kind of similar.
The easiest way I can express my overall feelings so far is with the hiccups. You know when you have hiccups for so long, that you just come to expect them? And then out of the blue they stop… but you’re still waiting for them. You know one is around the corner ready to stop you mid-word again. But it never happens, you’re free. That’s the feeling right now. I know what to expect, what certain situations will make me feel like… and then they don’t. I know I’ll get that tension of anxiety, but it never wraps around and inside of me.
I’ve always been a pretty happy person, so I can’t really say they’ve made me any less nor more happy than before. But so far I definitely feel more free. And I hope to come to embrace this freedom as normal someday!