Do you ever stop for a moment and try to recognize time itself?
Days That Blend
“My days just blend together lately” is a phrase I often catch myself saying. Sure, I can recognize the restraints of a day. It’s a roughly twenty-four hour period with varying amounts of day and night depending on where you live. In some cases, you don’t get any day or any night for prolonged periods of time. But anyway, I’ve got to make sure I specifically mark when days happen. We’ve got this dry erase calendar in the kitchen that I keep updated for the most part, and marking “X” at the end of the day helps give me some closure.
When I was growing up, I would often define the weeks by events. The first day of school was Monday. The last was Friday. Manga usually came around on Thursdays, though that varied depending on when scan groups got their raw copies in. That variation always threw me off–as did weeks where manga publishers went on vacation. Now I have to define my days in a similar manner. I work from Monday to Friday. Certain days of the week are releases for different anime and manga I follow. The calendar is there for me to mark “X” on the end of a day. And I’ve got Blaugust now keeping me somewhat regular on daily posts so I can recount the day itself.
The Emptiness Before
My reason for time blending when I grew up was that I really had no purpose. My whole life was set in stone: do good in school, graduate high school. Do good in college, get my bachelor’s degree. And… then what? When you spend all of your time growing up focused on these education and achievement goals, what happens to your development as a person?
Sure, I had plenty of growth from games and MMOs. I can’t tell you how much I’ve matured since I started playing FFXI–I’m probably unrecognizable from the kid of those days. And I’ve got a whole lot more to go, as I keep on learning. But again, when your whole life is centered around achievement as the source of showing how far you’ve come, games and such feel like a waste.
I had it ingrained into me from an early age that certain things just wouldn’t have any value for the future. Pokemon would obviously be a fad to die out soon, like anything else I found interest in. I shouldn’t get a job as a game designer because of how temperamental the career field is. (And here I am now a government contractor–go figure.)
Don’t get me wrong: my parents always wanted what was best for me. And as long as I was happy and healthy, they were content. But I can also recognize that coming from a fairly poor background, ensuring I had that strong education was there to help try to get some decent footing in society. So that I wouldn’t have to go through what they did. I don’t regret it, because now I have a purpose.
My days blend together lately. Sure, like any other office lady I’m glad when it’s Friday and get two days to relax a bit. But each moment, each second I get to spend with Nikki in my life is precious. I could spend the endless amount of time we have just lounging on the bed with her, sharing cute animal videos and stupid memes. Or just laying there and each doing our own thing in total silence, enjoying different hobbies and passions but also each other’s company like a couple of cats.
That isn’t to say I don’t recall the important days! February 14th is the anniversary of our Eternal Bond here in FFXIV. March 10th is her birthday. May 6th is when we officially became a couple, as I gave her a special ring I made at our spot in Misareaux Coast. Though admittedly I was a whole month off this time, but given this year I also forgot August existed entirely I think I can just eat that one. And November 1st is the day that Nikki and I met in person for the first time, as she knocked on the door of the house that’s our home to this day.
I have a purpose now, and a reason to be more than just complacent with waking up each day. Life has color to it now. New ups, new downs, challenges, triumphs, and a desire to learn, grow, experience, and be. Whereas before I didn’t have any vision of the future, ever since Nikki came into my life I do. The two of us, sipping tea out on the porch like a couple of old southern ladies. Watching the sun and clouds, listening to the sounds around us–and probably just idling around before our next grand adventure. But unlike my education before, it isn’t a goal I’m rushing towards. Each moment is precious, moreso than I’m capable of processing.
Each day blends together, and thanks to her, life is one big happy adventure.